moving in with mom after dad died moving in with mom after dad died

It is the next normal step n a solid relationship, but it is not in their view. 03/10/2020 23:12. I lived there from 2005 to around 2011. It just so happens that my father is away for 24 days with his new girlfriend on vacation while Im having the toughest time dealing with my mothers loss. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. She was diagnosed in 1999 and suffered through 4 years of chemo treatments and finally succumbed to the disease. I could never look myself in the mirror and feel good about it as a woman, a mother or person. If I were to write down everything he has done thats been terrible Id have a 500 page novel, it just gets worse and worse, really! I wish I knew how to get passed this. It has completely altered my Dads relationship with is children. I dont feel I owe her a Mothers Day card as she is not my mother and I could care less about her and my Dads wedding anniversary. There is a train and buses and a taxi driver who lives 2 doors down from my father. I was quite angry when I heard about this and we never again spoke of it. Not. I nearly lost my breath! Wow Andrea. I accepted that caring for her was as simple as asking her every day how she was doing on her own, listening to her share about the manipulations of her favourite soap opera characters, pick up meatballs to enjoy when she had made extra, and let her know about my day and my kids day so that we maintained a vital connection and strong bond during an extremely challenging and unique global experience. I will provide the 50+ year-old male perspective. WebWhen my Father died, I used to go to my mom's for dinner every week, she would always say she could eat when someone was there. They need to grieve and adjust. At this point, I am already now considering not attending Thanksgiving if she will be in attendance because the pain is still too great, especially for the first holiday without my Mom. So his death was extremely sudden and we were just left in shock. moving in with mom But, I got through it, and now, six years later, I look back at all the moments in my life when I felt like I couldn't go on and smile on them because they've made me strong and they were raw. Since I cant get him on the phone in the evenings, I have to call him at work. To say that the girlfriend is a hot mess would be an understatement. I constantly encourage him to keep a relationship with them, I dont want him to separate from them. My wife of 14 years committed suicide just over a year ago, leaving me with 4 children ages 12 and under. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and respected from both sides. It was like he was here to fulfill some sort of obligation or something. Everyone needs someone, whether it is a best friend, a significant other or a sibling. . She is playing games, encouraging him and then telling him not to call her any more. He has tried to give me the other womans phone number and told me to call him there. I found this site a little late, but thank you all for sharing your stories. I have been lucky because he hasnt tried to cram her down my throat, although it feels like that living with him. If somebody loses a parent, the remaining parent should not engage in a relationship until a reasonable time has passed. Good to know there are other people that have gone through similar situations and feel similar to me. However, this woman is a fair weather friend and has proved to the world her worthlessness. 5 Jun. The the following year, found out Marsha, Marsha, Marsha and him were dating, when it started I do not know. Even though the other sister was with my mom every second of every day since my moms diagnosis and passing. Someone help me with this. You have a duty and responsibility to those left behind whatever their age. Im talking about watching a movie together, going on an outing, having a conversation. but she is an active participant in the redesign. I dont feel my dad is trying to replace my mom. This relationship went off full steam ahead and had to tell us he was in a relationship on my mothers two month anniversary. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres. I supported him finding companionship. However, I think it is fair to say that even if she is comfortable financially,which seems unlikely judging by her age, that an opportunity to move to the U.S or even go for an all expenses paid vacation would be seized with open hands. I agreed to meet this woman one time just for him. That same day, one of the part time workers called while we were there at his house (Irene) and showed up 30 minutes later. When I moved out for college, my parents relationship began to change. Im not frail, fragile nor naive. He lost his identity when my mom passed. Let me preface that by stating Im an only child and he is really the only family I have, outside of my husabnd and kids. But you are the one who is grieving, not your Father, and you can experience it any number of ways. He marries another old family friend. Ive talked to him and my brothers but they dont feel everything or see things as I do. Does your mother want and/or need you to move in? I later learned she did not want me to come around. When life changes through the loss of a loved one, it should be the responsibility of everyone to evolve slowly into a new life. SHE IS NOT MY FAMILY. I find myself totally devastated over this but because I love him very much & understand his loneliness, I now stay silent in how I truly feel. Am stressed. My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. I love my dad but this is not fitting well with me, as he never once called my Mom angel or anything like that. He will now have to go through it. So he breaks up with her. My sisters and I will be there to support him and love him through it. Hi, Just have to wait until he thinks its the right time to tell us I guess, Im so happy i found this website i thought i was the only one in this situation. They were going out a lot. Posted on July 20, 2021July 20, 2021By JaneVock. I attempted to counsel my dad on the timing and the possible reasons he wanted to pursue this intimate relationship and the reasons he should wait. He has obviously made a choice to side with his new wife and you have to let it go and let him go. Here's what I learned through the pain, and what I hope to share with others. I understand him wanting to sell the house because mom died in itbut to move so far away! Seeing comments like I will never accept this just makes me laugh. He kept rattling on about being fair to heras if she were entitled to have me consider her my family. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. There is so much more, but no need to bore anyone with the details. I have dealt with my dad by having my time with him we have a set luncheon date once a week and we have a set day once a week to spend with each other. I feel I have lost my parents and that my mothers life and death have been so disrespected by his need to be with this lady who worked in the dentist office where my parents attended for 17 plus years. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. The person who talked about teenage behavior is right. Did it make me angry at her? My uncle laughed and said Ellen had my dad whipped. My aunt and uncle dont like Ellen either and I have sometimes talked to them about how I feel about her. When he told me I cried and later apologized but I wasnt emtionally over the loss of my Mom. Think of this before you jump into another involvement. However, this has been very tough on my kids. Death is a hard and complicated thing. However, I do not have to be as sensitive to my in-laws, because they are adults, and I am not responsible to them. I wont even go into the details of how he is doing EVERYTHING for this woman that my mom always wanted him to do and he didnt. I dont want him to sit around being a lonely old grieving man as he has accused me ..but since he asked for my opinion of this relationship so soon (and really wanted my blessing)I stated to him and his lady friend.that I felt he owed my mother more respect than this. NTA. And, she had others she could turn to for conversations that didn't involve which track we should dance to. We chatted for a bit, and I explained a moment I had that was very similar to how he felt. We knew he was spending time with a woman a month after Moms passing, but managed to come to terms with that somehow. Personally, I want to punch this person in the face, and as for my dad, I feel like I dont even know him. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. What do I do? It was completely understandable. I am on-line trying to find information and guidance on how best to reconcile my love for my daughter, the need my boys have for a mother figure (they absolutely love her by the way), and how to explore the possibilities of a life with this woman. In addition to adjusting to life without parent who has died, you now have to also deal with the surviving parent/step-parents relationship choices which will surely impact you directly and in-directly. Yet he would not want me to stop living, and he would not want for me to be unhappy. She began to bring him desserts, and he eventually asked her to dinner. Those of you who are kind will try to understand ,those of you who are are busy causing untold family damage and rifts will argue that you have the right to do what you like. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. My mom died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism 2 1/2 years ago. Havent really been able to talk to anybody except for my significant other. Wait. She was my age and plastic-surgeried from head to toe. I cant sit back and watch. I had a long talk with him the other day and tried to explain that his relationship with my sister has gotten worse and worse over the years and if he fails to go to her wedding, it will be another big wedge between them. (My sisters name is Julie, too.) . She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. If my mother keeps giving my late moms clothes for her to wear why doesnt she just say hey I wont wear that I dont want your kids thinking of something else and I might dispect them. People grieve in different ways, but we all experience the pain, the hurt, the sad images that will haunt us probably for the rest of our lives, (it will get better ) the isolation, the depression, guilt, loss of direction, the anger, and the acceptance of what happened and the hope that things will be better in the future. My father fawned over her and treated her like a goddess. Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). I expect that whether or not my daughter is 8 or 10 or 15 or even 25, she would never be supportive of me dating, let alone falling in love and she clearly is not happy and has begu acting out a bit. While he will be happy that he's dating. While he was lying in ICU she canceled her thanksgiving plans and invited herself to ours which was a few days later. It has now been 14 years since my mom died. For example, my dad and my sister used to go sailing together all the time they were very close; yet, now he refuses to do ANYTHING with any of us, ever, unless his wife is also present. Cheap internet dating aside. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. At 62. Youre so young to be going through so much pain dont give up on working through this though. When she gets upset, she doesn't eat, and really the only reason she cooked was for my dad and us. Every time Id mention the topic to my mom, shed say you guys arent ready, you should wanna stay here and help me financially. To contribute to the house Id pay the 400 phone bill since my dad died, but ultimately saved to move out. One thing I have learned, and that many of the above commenters have not yet accepted, is that I cannot predict how I will feel in the future. My mom and dad were married for 30 years. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. He referred to her as my stepmother the other day, and her kids as my step siblings. All the time my husband and I spent with my parents is with with this new girlfriend. has taken our frustration to a new level. My mom passed away in February & the woman that came knocking at my front door was my moms first cousin. I FEEL I LOST MY DAD, I TRY TO STAY AWAY ,I POP IN SOMETIMES.THIS PHIPPLINE FAMILY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HIS OWN,I BELIEVE MY BROTHER IS THINKING OF HIS OWN RETIRMENT.I WISH I COULD JUST NOT FEEL SO GUILTY.I DONT WONT TO BE INVOLVED WITH THESE SNAKE IN THE GRASS.THANKYOU FOR READING THIS IM TRYING NOT TO BE ANGRY ,BUT MY DAD COULD DIE OVER THEIR .HE IS 80 YEARS OLD ,CANNOT GET INSURANCE,WE MIGHT GET IS ASHES????????????????????? So she is moving in here where i live, into my mothers space. Its like all of you say the wounds are re-opened He is so blissfully happy. He may force your behaviour but he cannot force you to accept or like her until such time as you may want to. After about two months, when I did actually want people to ask about my dad and to check in on me, I felt deeply sad that everyone had seemingly moved onand I was left painfully alone. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. I would not allow myself to start crying even one more time. We have to look outside ourselves, our own feelings, we cant control how anyone feels, but we can control our actions and we can work on ourselves and challenge ourselves to do something uncomfortable ( especially for your dad) he has done so much for you , for your family, for your late mother or loved one. We were not rich but we did not want for much. Don't like this guy and suddenly at different. That night she came to our house from the accident scene and never left. He can live his, I can live mine. Last year I suggested that he started dating. I am so glad to have found this website. I am 56 and still feel the same way. 2) this new woman existed Thanks for allowing me to do so. Inside is immaculate. What if she hates you because youre I am sick of hearing about Its so lonely It is a sad day when a grown person cant entertain themselves. And how can I have respect for the other woman who can so easily insert herself into a deceased womans home? She knew her quite well and really does understand (as much as possible) what we went through. Dad told my brother in law they had slept together hundreds of times. I was not looking for this it just happened. A little less then a year after my mother passed away my father went on a buiness trip and found himself a girl freind. It went on for a bit. But why on earth is the phone bill 400$?! Unfortunately, my dad didnt necessarily have a life. ET on Saturday and Sunday. The past year, I noticed an even bigger change in my parents relationship. He is pretty much alone now anyway. She is not my family. It really helps me try and understand my situation. My mom is very smart and resourceful, and she went from that to hopelessness almost overnight. All of your comments here are like echoes of my own situation. She would do something appalling and be banned from my sister or my home. BUT she feels entitled to the rest of him and what he does and who he dates. He goes to dancing every Tues night. I am sickened. Your mom sounds very lazy and manipulative. She has posted it on her Facebook, and texted my Dad about it. We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. They never invite me to their outings together, and when I ask him why I cant come sometime, he blows me off. I wish my dad was here today. Since we set the woman in icu, a world of my dad liked and suddenly at 53. 1) remarrying within 8 months of your spouses death and wanting to insert the new wife into everyones life regardless of their feelings; 755 Likes, 6 Comments - Shy Wolf Sanctuary (@shywolf_sanctuary) on Instagram: Raven was in need of rescue after her mom died and dad gave away all animals so that he could move We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. There is no objective timeline that you can use to say it has been long enough, not long enough, etc. I am in the same situation. I recently sent a letter to an online relationship advice column and they responded to my letter. I think it really depends on what happened between your dad and step mom and the area you live in. From just reading this my first thought was you Stage one: denial. It was a shock!! So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. Since my father was near death almost 3 years ago, I feel my mother was and is jealous of the attention we gave my father. 6 months after her death, my father announced that he had been dating a new woman and asked if my wife and I wanted to meet her. This whole matter has made me sick and disgusted. When I did not return the favor to her, she stopped sending the cards. But Im really confused about how to take it all! She lives about 20 minutes away and unlike my father, still drives. Although he is ready.. we are just not. Meanwhile we had actually gotten an apartment sept 25th & moved in that weekend. My friend arrived to hear her say Well cant she just call a garage instead of bothering us. Never mind that she had been doing my father the favour by giving me the lift in the first place. This woman is a widow, and was my fathers high school sweetheart, which makes it even harder for me to think that maybe they have harbored feelings for one another over the years. I think all the dads that want us to accept them so quickly in our lives should stop and take a minute to think about what it is doing to their children. Throughout life, you will be pushed to your limits, and each time, it will feel like it cant possibly get any worse, butmore often than not, it will. WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it. I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. This lead to many confrontations between the woman, my father, and myself. I am an only daughter. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? Im dealing with this right now and still havent confronted my dad about how upset I am by all of this. Add to that all kinds of weird girlfriend moments-her wearing my clothes without asking, going through my personal things, falling asleep standing up, falling asleep at the dinner table, falling asleep at other peoples houses at parties, etc. I call him and try to keep in touch and he gives only one word answers to my attempts at conversation. But how can you be the judge? WebIn 2010 my aunt needed someone to stay in the house with her or eventually go into a nursing facility. I suspect he was dating again within a year after my mom died. The crazy part is they all had both parents in their lives. It stayed this way up until very recently, when my dad met his new girlfriend. However, and I really hate this, the house will go to Ellen if my Dad predeceases her. All these things has to be dealt with at the moment that they occur or soon after. That is what mom wanted and he has failed miserably in the 6 months since her death. At this point they were already in a serious relationship, and I have no idea when he first entered the dating sceneall I know is that it must have been fairly soon after my mothers death. Me and my father both were not there. John Pete, certified grief counselor and founder of MyGriefSpace.Net, responds: Hello Heather: Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss for your mother. It happened to soon.. we basically lost our dad (to his live in girlfriend) just months after losing our mom. Being issued with a guest towel was terrible. We have a very civil relationship with his wife. Once you become a care-giver to a sick spouse, everything changes and changes in a way that children, even grown children cant easily understand. My mom was vivacious and full of laughter and life. I was a faithful husband and am a responsible, loving father, but I after burying a brother and a wife, I know that life is too precious to waste. When I tried to talk with him 4 weeks after my mom passed, he informed me that he is 73 yrs. I was immediately put off but whatever its his life, right? SO anyway I dont know how to get over this feeling but am very thankful I am not the only one out there feeling that way. The best to all of you. You are behaving with more emotional maturity than he is showing. I think the best way to handle it is let Dad stay in his own home along with mom when he does Hospice. He travels for his job and since I am going to school full time now, I have been house sitting for him while he is gone. I think at some point, my ears and brain stopped listening and corresponding after he dropped this bombshell. Then not even 5 months later he was dating seriously, and had been talking about marriage with